I am completely losing my shit right now. Tomorrow morning I will be running my first half marathon. Hopefully running. My left shin is so annoyed with me right now. My intestines are all OH HAY WE HATE YOU. I’m in a foul anxious mood.
I’m actually icing my shins and knees while at work. I brought in my frozen peas and ice packs. I’m a total freak.
What am I going to wear? Why is it going to be raining? WHYYYY. The rain will probably destroy my iPhone, unless I completely waterproof it, which means I won’t be able to listen to music. Which means I’ll have nothing to listen to but the sound of myself panting for two and a half hours.
What should I eat today and tomorrow, if my body is hating every single form of carbohydrates I’m feeding it lately?
I wanted to go to bed early every day this week, which I did, but I was unable to fall asleep early. Or get any quality of sleep, either. Last night was particularly shitty, and I can’t imagine tonight being any better.
I picked up my race packet last night at a local running store. It was full of professional-looking runners, all thin & fit. I, in comparison, look like I belong on the fighting obesity campaign poster.
Obviously I’m really doubting myself right now. I’m dreading something that I should be looking forward to attempting. I should be congratulating myself for trying. I can’t really see that at the moment, though.
Yeah, I’m going to be in such a foul mood until this is over. I hate this.
“If you can’t run, then walk. And if you can’t walk, then crawl. Do what you have to do. Just keep moving forward and never, ever give up.”—Dean Karnazes (Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner)
Throughout my run, the temperature went from 74 to 82 degrees. I know the humidity started out at 98%. Within the first mile I wanted to give up. My legs felt like lead. How was I possibly going to be able to complete two miles, let alone ten?
The whole ordeal was like this - battling back negative thoughts, stopping to walk and hydrate, forcing my legs to trudge on, and having more negative thoughts.
I ended up making it the full ten, but I felt close to a complete mental breakdown by mile nine. Even though I had just a mile left to go, I came really close to crying. First time that’s happened.
I can only rationalize that this was me hitting the wall - or almost. My mind was telling my legs to JUST DOOOOOOO IT but my legs were like LOL NO. It sucked.
So yeah, I guess it was my first experience with hitting the wall… or almost hitting the wall, because I was able to finish. At least I didn’t get hurt.